Two weeks ago, I got news that my oldest brother died. At 45 years old, he lost his life-long battle of depression and committed suicide. Being someone who believes in vibration and transforming my life through healing energy, it’s been a struggle to fully allow myself to grieve while not staying in those lower vibrations. I’ve had to re-think the idea that our thoughts are things, meaning I shouldn’t even think about death or allow in sadness because that would lower my vibration and stop me from allowing better things into my life. What I know for sure is that what we resist persists. I also believe that although my brother is physically gone, his Spirit lives on. Much like life, death is a type of beginning and with each new beginning, I have an opportunity to learn anew.
With that, I open this post to describe the top 5 things my brother’s death has taught me:
1) I am connected to my angels and lovingly supported by the Universe… if that’s what I want.
I’ve been doing a lot of talking about the events in my life lately. I’ve talked to relatives and to friends, but I’ve been just as vocal in talking to my spiritual team. I trust and know that I am supported and guided at all times. No matter what’s going on, I am connected to the light and love that is in all things. This is Truth. Whether or not I connect is always my choice. So, I’ve spent every morning connecting to the light within me, blessing my day, and sending love to my entire family. At night, I clear any negativity I may have taken in throughout my day, and just see the light dissolve it. I’ve supplemented these white light meditations with chakra clearing and prayer.
This is the best way I know to keep my spirits up and to receive divine healing and guidance. And you know what? It works. I feel better and better every time I do this. If you’re going through a crappy situation, no matter how big or small, I suggest this: Connect to the light (your God, Universe, Angels, Buddha, or whatever), let the light in, and ask for your energy field to be cleared. The more you do it, the more you’ll feel the connection.
2) My mission.
Being so close to someone who died from depression, I am more committed than ever to my mission of bringing my knowledge, support, and experience to other people. Why? Because the more we share our struggles, the more we’re all uplifted. There is hope. If even one person learns about lifting their energy and heals their life by reading one of the articles I’ve shared, then my work is done. Plus, I get the bonus of feeling better by taking the focus off of me and thinking more about helping others.
3) Family is whoever and whatever you make it.
I used to think that family had to be the people you grew up with. As I grow older, I realize that family is complicated. Being the youngest and the only girl, there are so many histories, grudges, rivalries and arguments in the background that I just don’t want to be a part of. I lovingly term this as “macho masculine energy.”
The good news? I get to choose my family. So, my family is: my dad, my step-mom, my husband, and my friends. That’s it. If I hear from other relatives, great! But I’ve stopped expecting (and needing) support from every single person in my genetic family. That just ain’t gonna happen, and that’s okay. Nor do I have to be the go-between and heal all of their stuff. Some people just aren’t ready to upgrade. I continue to pray for them and send them love anyway. By accepting this, I am able to love my family more and be more truly, authentically me.
4) Diet and exercise are life savers.
I admit it. I’m an ice-cream obsessed sugar junkie who would rather lie in bed reading a good book than getting off my bum and going for a walk. I accept it, but I also accept that I feel waaay better when I eat fresh veggies and that I find myself smiling more after a hike. In terms of energy work , movement — be it dancing at the club, a walk with a friend, or a 5-mile run — gets the chi flowing, and that just makes everything work better. My motto: fill myself first, then share the love.
5) It’s okay to cry. In fact, it’s a right!
I’m not like most women. I don’t get all gushy when I watch romantic films or teary-eyed when I look at puppies. In fact, my ego spends a lot of time trying to convince me that I need to be strong and take care of everyone else. All my life I’ve subscribed to the “Big girls don’t cry” club.
The truth ? Tears are just my body’s way of getting out the emotions that need to come out. Without crying, that energy stays stuck — a big manifesting no-no. Sadness, like any other emotion, is temporary, but it deserves to be honored. I can’t say I’ve spent a solid hour crying yet, but if I’m talking about my brother (or anything else) and I start to get emotional, I’ve learned to just let it flow. I don’t need to apologize for being human.
As I re-connect with more family, spread David’s ashes, and attend the memorial service in between my other responsibilities, I’m sure I’ll have even more opportunities to learn and grow. The key, I think, is to just allow it. My wish for all of my readers — yes, even myself — is that we all become okay just being ourselves. Whatever is, is okay.
*This post is dedicated to my lovely brother — the writer, artist, and tech guru David Andrew Nelson. David, you are missed. I send you love and light to ease your transition into your next adventure. Rest in peace.*