The Dreaded Question

Lately I find myself balking whenever someone asks me, “How are you?” I’m in sort of a spiritual in-between phase where a lot of the veils have lifted (about the matrix we call life, about family, food & health, relationships, social norms, etc.). This means that I find myself seriously pausing before giving the pat answer of, “I’m fine” as it doesn’t feel like the whole truth and frankly, I am done lying to other people and lying to myself.

On the other hand, I also find that part of me just doesn’t want to get into it as “it” (a.k.a. my life and the answer to this question) is complicated. It’s not because I don’t know how I am, but part of me wonders how the other person would react to an actually honest answer that doesn’t just gloss over my currently complex feelings.

So, how am I? I am going through a lot of changes that frankly, seem a little (and sometimes extremely) uncomfortable. I am experiencing the great loss of my mom and all mother figures I had been close to (again) nearing Mother’s Day. I am questioning my living situation that frankly, doesn’t leave me fulfilled or happy or feeling all that comfortable in my own skin. I am feeling overwhelmed, sometimes burdened, and also excited by my new management role at work. I am wondering how to fit self-care and self-love into these really tight and rigid boxes that I’ve somehow created for myself and allowed myself to be placed in. I am wondering if, when, how I will ever get started on my own healing business and do the work that is in my heart. And I am feeling like I have no desire to celebrate my birthday this year (which happens in 4 days), mostly because I am tired and overwhelmed, but also because I am tired of caring about things that society says we should care about just because. Frankly, I have bigger fish to fry and I’ll be working that day anyway. I’m also aware that there are powers within myself that would love to have me fail, die, continue the false stories in my mind, and generally continue on a path of self-destruction and ill-health — anything but acknowledging the Light and Power I hold within.

And simultaneously, I am aware that “this too shall pass”… that what I’m experiencing now is just part of my particular version of spiritual awakening…that I will eventually either move out of my home into a space and accompanying relationships that truly feel aligned or I will find a way to reach alignment where I am currently living. I know that there are many Angels and guides who love and support me, who are cheering me on towards embodying the Master Goddess I was born to be. In this sense, I am perfectly okay, perfectly safe, Divinely loved, and I always will be.

And while this may feel like yet another rant about why life has to be so complicated, I’m in a place where I choose to honor how I feel — not just one version of me, but ALL of it. Because this is where the Magic resides.

Love and Peace, y’all. ❤

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The Opposite Of Fear Is Love

As I continue to rise in vibration I am seeing things way more clearly. Today, I was invited to join a Facebook group centered around joining together as Lightworkers/Lightkeepers and healers to send love and positive messages to specific government leaders, with the premise being that no one should be left behind or left out of NEW Earth.

While I can stand behind sending love to all people and situations, including our government, I was also aware that not everyone chose to come to this planet to experience NEW Earth. For some, their mission is to play out duality… perpetuate fear… keep hatred going, so that others would finally come out of their slumber and Awaken.

There are no mistakes and Divine perfection is everywhere, even in the seeming chaos and disorder. The people who are so triggering are here to assist in the dismantling of our old programs and the entire 3D/4D matrix until humanity no longer needs fear, suffering, and duality to remember who we are.

Coming out of a 5-day silent retreat, I feel a newfound sense that everything is in Divine Order. Even the things I intended for the retreat I know have already occurred and will happen in this reality within Divine time.

I also know that regardless of what humanity decides to do/not do Mother Gaia is going to be fine as she is already sitting in the higher vibrational realms. It’s not my job to save her or anyone else. My job is to simply hold the Light, BE/Embody the Light, and to share with those who are ready.

I chose years ago to stop watching TV and to unplug from the news. I know that the work I am doing on the inside IS causing a ripple in my outer world, in ways big and small. I can also feel the support from the Celestial Realms and the Love from our Galactic brothers and sisters who are constantly filling our Earth with higher vibrations as we are ready.

There’s nothing to fear. We are not alone and we are loved. We ARE Love.

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Feeling Free/Going (Deeper) Within

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Every year, July 4th in the US brings forth a celebration of freedom, independence, and the enjoyment of Summer. Regardless of where you may be in the world, this year’s energies felt like a rush of movement towards being our TRUE SELF, accepting the gift of Freedom, and the Joy & Love that comes with that.

It’s perfect Divine synchronicity that on a personal level, I had just separated from my husband and moved into a new place where I can be more of who I AM, without judgment, fear, expectation, and lower energies getting in the way.

That’s not to say that there isn’t still a massive feeling of heartbreak and emotions that still need to be resolved, but my conscious awareness that I AM moving further into my I AM Presence and fully embracing my Soul’s purpose feels like a gift. It’s also a chance for me to move into Abundance consciousness, receive more, allow myself to be supported by the Divine, and to open myself to new opportunities.

Scary? Yes. Exciting? Definitely!

At the same time, I continue to move closer towards the end of a year-long journey, culminating in a 5-day silent retreat in August and initiation to become a Grace Blessings Giver. My whole body, mind, and spirit have been preparing for this. I believe this is the reason my Soul guided me to move to Maine. I also have no doubt that leaving my relationship is part of the purging and cleansing process, helping me to make way for the Divine to fully shine in my life so that I can be the powerful healer that I know I AM meant to be.

On a physical level, crown tingling is my most common symptom. I seem to be coming out of my need to sleep in every day, and it’s only just occurred to me how often I put myself to sleep or went out of body because I didn’t like dealing with the energy and projections that were placed on me in my relationship. Now that I am out of that environment, it makes sense that my energy is starting to come back.

I also continue to go further within, stepping way back from all of the teachings and spiritual programs that I was a part of before. At the same time, I am gravitating more to those that continue to support my journey within, including spending more time in nature and continuing to explore and sleep with Andara crystals at night.

It also feels like more Divine Mother energy is coming in. The other day my belly was so expanded that all I could think was that I am in the process of birthing something. Yet, that too, has now integrated and I feel like I am starting to lose weight.

I can feel a potent and powerful process starting for me. I’m excited for my retreat and for the possibilities, yet I am also coming to life with a state of allowing the Divine to do what it will with me. I am here to listen and receive. In this state of emptiness, I accept the gifts that are even greater than what my mind would allow. While much of my journey continues to not fit into the everyday human experience, I continue to give thanks and appreciate that my Soul chose this.

It will be interesting to see what changes happen in my physical world. Abundance. Health. Friendship with the Divine. Love. NEW Earth. It all starts now.

Until next time…

Much LOVE and many BLESSINGS!

 

 

Andaras & Nature Make Life Worthwhile

As a spiritual person, I find it is sometimes really hard to take myself less seriously. Between my day job, client sessions, cooking, errands, and family time… not to mention all of the processing, upgrades, and activations we receive daily, it can be easy to forget to simply laugh, breathe deeply, and smile often.

To help remedy this I’ve decided to take up photography as a new hobby. In an effort to simplify my life, I got rid of my Smartphone months ago, yet I still craved having the ability to share photos of my Andara crystals, nature, and my daily life. Here are some of the results from my snazzy new camera.

The energy is amazing and actually, photographs are yet another way to receive the gifts the Andara crystals share.

Enjoy. And don’t forget to have fun! 🙂

Until next time… Much Love & Many Blessings.

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Clearing Old Realities: Part 2

fire-298115_640 (1)Last week I wrote about clearing timelines and the purposes of that. If you missed that post, you can read it here: Clearing Old Realities

A HUGE part of my process is simply having the awareness to see the patterns that exist for me with clear, nonjudgmental eyes. As someone who has spent a large majority of my life choosing not to feel, using spiritual tools and seeing healers so I would not have to feel, and running towards addictive behaviors to avoid it all, my clearing process tends to be emotionally-based. I had an experience last night where I was (again) brought to my knees to surrender to a Divine power that is both within me and greater than the small (limited, lack-filled) me.

So what happened? Late at night (red flag #1 as this only happens to me when I’m bored and/or lonely at night) I went online to look at my favorite Andara crystal website. I was drawn to a specific piece, but more than that, I felt the energies of obsession, need, want, and like I could not live without it. I then proceeded to plan, scheme, and try every way I could to figure out how I could make this purchase right then and there, for when I’ve chosen to act out this type of behavior in the past, there was never any waiting. (Impulse energy)

The energy was fierce. I could clearly see what I was doing, and yet, I felt too out of control to stop myself… which is why I called a friend who has coached me through these types of situations before. (Thank you, PM! Everyone deserves a friend like you. 🙂 ) The difference is, this time, instead of just thinking about calling her, I actually did. (New choices = New realities) After we spoke, I had even more clarity that this is a pattern that has come up to be released and that there is still something within me that chooses to give all of my money to outside sources until I am no longer supported.

Still, after our talk, I felt the need to play this timeline out further by contacting the person selling the Andara and submitting them to my fear and lack energy. Only after the moment do we ever realize that this is what we’re doing.

What I have learned: Clearing timelines is not for the faint of heart. A shopping addiction may be how this is playing out, but this pattern of self-abuse stems from a deep fear of having enough. It’s a distortion of my not caring for the outside world. After going inside, I realize that continually choosing lack of money is a way to prevent me from having the freedom that I truly desire. Lack keeps me stuck in situations that I would rather not be in and it is a convenient excuse for so many things in my current reality. With this clarity, now is the time to break away from this karmic cycle if I so choose.

The funny part is, although I have spent the week telling others that the Light is greater than any darkness and to have faith, now I get to fully experience this, too. I just did a session with a woman who had dealt with a really difficult lifelong pattern that she had tried and tried to turn over, get over, move beyond, pray about, process about, etc. After our session, things shifted and she is now moving in the direction she wants to go. My takeaway is, if Divine Source can do this for her even after so many years of struggle, then surely, the same can happen for me.

I am aware that I need to take different actions and mental attitudes than in the past in order to activate a new, financially secure reality. This is the part that is up to me. I have been praying both for inspiration and willingness as well as turning this over to Pure Source Light. So, in this new Spirit, here is a list of things that I do now that I wish to no longer do accompanied by the activation of my new reality:

  1. Take Money For Granted >>> Honor And Respect My Income
  2. “Browse” Stores Late At Night >>> Shop At Times When I Have A Clear Mind (Place Reminders For Myself Near My Computer & In My Wallet So I Can Actually Do This)
  3. Continue To Feed Lack Energy >>> Feed Abundance Energy By Allowing Myself To Have Enough… Even More Than Enough
  4. Living For Today, Choosing To Debt And To Live Without (Savings, Stability, Things I Truly Need) >>> Placing My Stability, My Freedom, And My Needs First
  5. Acting Out Need And Desperation With/Towards Others >>> Seeing This Energy For What It Is And Choosing To Clear It Before Talking With Others
  6. Making Others Responsible For My Bills & Financial Habits >>> Taking My Power Back, Admitting That I DO Have Choice And Power In This
  7. Trying To Do This Alone >>> Turning This Over (And Not Taking It Back), Asking For This To Be Worked On In The Dream State So I Don’t Have To Continue To Play This Out In My Reality
  8. Staying in Complaint Energy/”Can’t”/Victim Mentality >>> Envisioning A New Timeline Where I Feel Great About Money, I Have Savings, And I Make Amazing Financial Decisions With A Clear Mind And Open Heart

I’ve been in this place before and every time I go deeper into clearing this version of lack programming. I thank my YOU-niverse for showing this to me to see if I am really done.

Until Next Time… Blessings of Pure Love and Light! ❤

 

 

Clearing Old Realities

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Yesterday was a day of massively clearing old timelines. The point of this is to consciously, with full awareness, release the old energies and allow new, awesome, and amazing in all aspects of my life. Normally, I set timeline clearing as something I work on in the dream state, yet for some reason, my Soul wanted me to experience conscious, awake timeline clearing. This all occurred within a space of 8 hours during my work day.

It all started when I ran into an old high school classmate whose name I couldn’t remember until she left. Memory loss has been huge for me lately. In particular, high school was not a pleasant time for me so I’m not surprised I didn’t remember her as I’ve tried to forget much about that time which means much still lingers (or did) in my subconscious to be released. The funny part is that neither of us said anything about being former classmates. Nothing had been brought up, yet the energy of the interaction was fairly intense. Out of nowhere, uncomfortable feelings of, “What if she recognizes me?”, “I’m *only* a service worker, not a big executive”, “I’ve lost weight, but I’m still not as good-looking as she is” and embarrassment about all of the things that I care about as my human aspect came up. The feelings were uncomfortable to say the least. As the observer, I could feel my judgments surface — even old judgments I remember having about her while we were in school — and it was interesting to watch.

In the moment, I was thankful to have the awareness that I do that I was collapsing old timelines. That knowing made acknowledging my discomfort better. My mantra lately has been to feel every emotion and to flow with it, as I know that the less I resist, the easier it is for me to shift. Yet, that has also changed too, from trying to shift out of discomfort, trying to fix what I don’t like, into full acceptance of my Soul’s experience here.

Later in the day, two more people from my past showed up. Now in curiosity mode, I was again able to observe my own thoughts and feelings around them. In both cases, I noticed that there was no charge, and in one instance, I felt genuinely happy to reconnect.

I realize, too, that just as much as I needed to clear old timelines and old emotions, that my role as a Soul was to help them clear old emotions as well. For instance, my old high school classmate left rather quickly. I don’t think she even finished her meal. The old roommate from the second interaction didn’t stay to chat and reminisce about old times like he had when we’d met in the past. The third person, a friend my husband knew before we were married, shared a joyful interaction with me. What I noticed then was that I was able to be in the moment without digging back into the stories of the past.

Still later, I was discussing my upcoming birthday with someone. When asked how old I am going to be, my mind went completely blank. It literally took 3 or more minutes to remember that I will be 31. As I continue my Ascension journey, I find myself remembering in new ways and forgetting the old. What seems more accurate to say is that my physical form is 31 years old because I feel ageless. Not only that, but I have been told by more than one person that I look younger than even 4 or 5 years ago when we met. Growing old doesn’t seem to fit into my reality anymore… at least not in the way that others have done this.

To sum up this week: memory loss/remembering, timeline clearing, creating all new realities, exciting, observations, and new Andara interactions this week… all part of my current process.

Thanks for following along with my journey. I love you.

Until next time… Much Love and Many Blessings!

 

 

 

Coming to Terms with My Expansion

A hot topic within the spiritual community right now is discussion of Ascension symptoms. While it is my opinion that there should be another word for this as “symptoms” (to me) still reeks of the old world/old realities/everything as a problem that needs to be fixed, I will use “symptom” for lack of a better term. Regardless of whether our Ascension as an Embodied Soul here on NEW Earth is causing us to feel physical pain, exhaustion, wanting to be alone, etc. the key to remember is that these symptoms are a sign that we are evolving. We cannot live on NEW Earth if we are still trapped in the old and our physical bodies must Ascend, too. As with most things in life, it is the mind that wants to label, judge, and see this as a problem. The Soul/Higher Self knows that all that presents is simply part of the Divine plan so that we can continue to go higher while continuing to move into our fully Awakened state.

Today, I want to write about a symptom (hmm… maybe side effect of ascension is closer to what this actually is) that has occurred/been occurring for me over the past year or so. I write this because this topic has become very much distorted to the human aspect and as always, I share to assist others who may be going through this too.

I have written before that it’s been an up-and-down journey with my husband. I find increasingly now that I am the one who is “awake” and he is having a difficult time with how this manifests, because frankly, his human self misses the old me who used to drink, smoke weed, not care about consciousness/speak in these “weird” terms, and enjoy physical intimacy/closeness. One year (maybe more… who can keep track of time here? Lol.) I was experiencing severe and intense pain during sex. After many doctor’s visits, it was deemed that there was nothing physically wrong with me. The doctor chaulked it up to emotional issues and stress, but it is only now that I can see what was really going on… especially as my Ascension continues to progress. I will say, however, that I am thankful to no longer be in that state, yet I know that it had a purpose.

Sex is one of, if not the most intimate act for our physical bodies to experience. Over time, I have craved this experience less and less. While I no longer suffer from physical pain during intimacy, it feels like I have had enough right now. There is no way to describe it other than to say that it feels impure. Recently, I have even started to dislike being touched in less intimate ways as I am feeling like I no longer want to interact with human anything, least of all their lower vibrations that still don’t understand the Soul’s journey, still have lack, judgment, politics, drama, etc. I no longer live there anymore. There is something about my continued acknowledgment of my own Divinity that makes me enjoy my own company and want to keep the sacredness of my own body.

Now of course, this isn’t the easiest thing while being married to a man who is not on my Ascension journey. Saying “no” to physical intimacy and craving alone time is about honoring my physical space and respecting my own needs and energetic boundaries. Yet, I find myself needing to move beyond guilt energy as I was so often told that being a good wife means having sex with your husband, making yourself available whenever he wants, and being submissive. My Soul refuses to put up with this as it no longer aligns with my Truth. It’s a hard sell to my husband who, in his human form, takes this personally and can’t see that this is about respect, honor, trust, and love. Not wanting to have sex is not about him at all.

I believe every experience has a purpose. I can see how this has made it abundantly clear that we are in two different world/You-niverses/vibrations. But I can’t go back. There are times when I wonder if I’m insane for all I do, discuss, and feel, but my Soul knows this is real. I am here to transcend all human limits of lack and limitation — even the human need for sex and physicality in place of a higher version of intimacy.

Please know that I am in no way demonizing sex or saying that sex has no part in the Ascension process. Many others have written about tantra, kundalini awakening, heart opening, creative drive, root/sacral chakra balance and the like as ways to use sex in an Ascended way here. However, I feel that vibrationally-speaking, it is in my best interest to be picky. I am fairly certain that if my husband was closer to me in vibration — specifically, if I could feel that he viewed sex and intimacy as a sacred act — then I would feel differently.

Frankly, I am tired of the back and forth. One day we are in bliss, love, and magic and the next it is back to me confronting his human aspect and being faced with coldness/disbelief/dishonor/disconnection because I choose to respect myself, my body, and my personal space. On the Soul and physical levels, it is time for us to choose: Do we as a couple want to live and experience old Earth or NEW?

As of today I had a talk with his Soul. I told him that I need to move on. He can come with me and elevate if he chooses, but I can’t play with his human anymore. I thank him for the role he has played in honoring our Soul contract and now it is PAID IN FULL. It’s time for me to be with others who are vibrationally on my level and who are totally invested (as I am) in anchoring and integrating NEW Earth.

I’m both scared and excited to see how this all plays out in my physical reality. The thing is, I am not afraid of being alone. I know that if this relationship needs to end someone who is a vibrational match will come in. More than that, I have my own Soul, my own guides, my Soul’s work, and my own connection to the Divine so I am not dependent on anyone else for love. This is a huge and radical shift for me and for many that I interact with here on NEW Earth. I trust that I AM being lead, guided, and directed to exactly where I need to be in every moment.

New, different, bizarre, magical, bliss… is a constant process. Enjoy every moment and expect to be amazed.

Until next time… Many Blessings, Much Love, and Ascended Light!